Today,
October 31, 2011,
I was due to give birth to my second daughter.
Instead, exactly 7 months ago, I found out her heart stopped beating inside me.
I wrote this the next day.
I am forever changed because of this experience.
f.o.r.e.v.e.r.
It has been an impossibly difficult 7 months.
And the anticipation of this day was torturous.
I'm hoping this milestone passing will allow even more healing and a change in focus.
I am heartbroken to say that we are not pregnant again.
After 4 failed fertility treatment cycles, we are continuing to push for our rainbow baby.
I miss my naive outlook on pregnancy.
I miss my excitement when I see another newborn.
I miss my joy for another woman's pregnancy announcement.
I miss my little girl.
e.n.d.l.e.s.s.l.y
Somewhere, right now, another family is finding out they will not carry their pregnancy to term.
May they be granted peace and acceptance of what feels so impossible to overcome.
(thank you to every single person in my life who has shown me compassion and has been brave enough to bring up the topic. I know its not easy, but validation and acknowledgement of my pregnancy and its failing is all I have ever wanted.)
7 comments:
Chantelle, we have known each other for so long and for every single one of the days I have thought that you are amazing, strong and beautiful. I thank God every day for our friendship and I also ask him to watch over you and your family. Don't stop hoping, don't stop beliving and don't ever forget that God has a plan for you and your family. He loves you, almost as much as I do. My thoughts are with you and Jon on this day...
You have been in my thoughts every single day for 7 months. I continue to hope and pray that you can find a new peace and happiness through what I know is the worst time of your life.
You are definitely not alone. Love you!
I've been thinking of you and your family. I hope that you can continue to heal. Hugs!
Ive been through it. 6 miscarrages and now celiac. Went on deit for 6 months. Pregnant with twins. I am just asking because it is a possibility of why not being able to carry to term. Easy test and peace of mind 80% of doctors don't test and 1 out of 100 people have it. I wish somone told me, so decided to be her somebody to tell her. Is that ok???
I have no problems with your mention of celiac disease. But please, don't harp on it. It's a valid point and I respect it, but I lost my baby to turners syndrome. We know why: she was missing a chromosome. BTW, I would appreciate you not being anonymous. Something feels yucky about you handing out advice without even being willing to identify yourself. Thank you. I am in medicine and order celiac testing all the time. I understand the importance of it.
Sorry I was only trying to help. I feel your pain and I wish someone would of told me by say maybe MC# 4. I didn't have the courage to put my name in black and white. I am sure a few of my BFP were chromosome issue's as well, most MC are. Gods way of saying it's not the right time. But still doens't make the pain any less. I just wanted you to know of a few other options, my doctors are listed as one of the best on the east coast, and they didn't even list celiac as one of my issues. I had to do a lot of my own research. So just because you are in the medical field doesn't mean you know all. It was a suggestion for someone I can see is in deep pain and I was offering some help. I meaning to harp on it at all, I mentioned it once and did a follow up is all. Good Luck.
So sorry, Chan and Jon...
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